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Real moms do not cook dinner every night?
I don’t understand. Real moms do not cook dinner every night? Don’t all moms cook dinner every night?
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If real moms do not cook dinner every night does that mean you aren’t a real mom if you do?
There are A LOT of supermoms out there. I’m sure you either know one or you are one.
To begin with, supermoms are those moms that drive a minivan full of their kids and their neighbor’s kids all over town.
For example, they hit the school, the park, the ball game, then finally a Dairy Queen pit stop on the way home.
When they get home they load the dishwasher AND the washing machine.
After that they start dinner while all the kids line up at the counter with their homework.
That supermom manages to conquer Social Studies while making a four course dinner full of protein and organic vegetables, that she grew herself in the garden of course!
And most importantly, she already has chocolate chip cookies baking in the oven!
WOW! I’m tired just thinking about all that!
But wait! There’s more!
It seems like supermoms always make sure to clean up the entire kitchen right after dinner.
(And they do it all with a smile on their face while all the kids run around under her feet.)
In addition to kitchen cleanup she’s running the bath for her two youngest. Because it’s also very important to a supermom that her children bathe every single night too.
But first, every supermom makes time to lay out the kid’s clothes for the following day and read each of her children a bedtime story.
Next she makes sure all the kiddos are tucked in.
That’s when she usually goes back to the kitchen to pack homemade lunches for her children to bring to school the next day.
So when do real moms do the laundry? A supermom stays up late doing the laundry, washing the floors and taking out the trash.
Do you think that’s all a real supermom does? Because it’s not!
Supermom heads to her bedroom where her hubby is almost asleep.
As a rule, she puts on her best silk negligee. And that’s when she grabs her most valued possession off her nightstand. Her copy of What to Expect When You’re Expecting.
Because aren’t supermoms are always spitting out more children!
Finally, it’s lights out at midnight after she gives her husband a back rub and a kiss on the cheek! (WHAT??)
Does this sound like you? Do you consider yourself one of these supermoms? Do these kind of supermoms even exist?
Because it sounds nothing like me, and I ABSOLUTELY consider myself a SUPERMOM!
So now let me tell you my version of a supermom~
First of all, all the supermoms I know drag themselves out of bed every morning after pressing snooze at least twice.
Secondly, they throw their hair in a messy bun and grab the raggedy sweatshirt off the floor that they’ve worn every morning for the past two weeks.
You know that sweatshirt. The one that is so worn you can’t even tell what it says anymore. In fact it’s so old you don’t even know what it used to say.
And of course it has all the holes and stains you could imagine.
Almost every mom I know has one.
You probably have one like that too! Know how I know?
Because you are that supermom just like me!
First thing is first
She makes the rounds of waking up all the kids.
But the youngest wet the bed.
As a result, mom has to forgo brushing her teeth this morning due to the fact that she has to change the sheets before it leaves ANOTHER yellow pee stain on the mattress.
After that it’s breakfast for the kids.
She throws some dry cheerios at her youngest. But he throws them on the floor because he’s cranky. Why is he cranky? Because she still hasn’t changed his clothes since he wet the bed!
Next she whips open the frig and starts pulling out whatever isn’t moldy or stale and starts putting lunches together.
Because all supermoms make homemade school lunches remember?
Fast forward to the ride to school
While she is driving down the street she catches a glimpse of her children in the backseat.
She realizes that one never brushed her hair, one has peanut butter all over his face and the other one is wearing the same outfit that he’s worn for the past three days.
Ordinarily she would care. However it’s all okay because she’s only ten minutes out from Dunkin Donuts!
About a half hour after leaving the house she feels a little better now that she’s downed her majorly caffeine filled coffee!
So feeling brave, she decides to hit the grocery store to grab something for dinner that night, only to look down and realize that she is wearing her pink coffee mug pajama pants!
Does mom risk the embarrassment of walking throughout the store wearing her bright pink pajama pants with the coffee cups all over them?
Meanwhile she rechecks the clock and decides there’s no time for the store now anyway, because she just remembered she has to get the laundry out of the wash that’s been sitting in there for two days.
In addition to that, she has to jump in the shower and drop the little ones at daycare before she ends up being late for work.
Yes, work. It seems like there are an awful lot of supermoms that work one, two and even three jobs to make ends meet.
While at work, mom gets a phone call from the school. During recess her oldest child got into a fight on the playground.
Therefore she has to leave work early, and for the third time this month go pick up her child at school.
The Ride Home…
And as soon as they get in the car all she hears about is how it wasn’t his fault and now he hates his friends, his teachers and you! Great day so far!
By the time she’s gathered all the other kids from school and daycare, she is starting to make that face.
She has smiled and nodded at her boss. And she’s smiled and nodded at every member of the PTA that was hosting a bake sale during her son’s baseball practice.
Earlier, while speaking with the principal, she had to try not to get angry with her son in front of him.
Due to all the stress, her face is doing that thing it does.
You know the thing I’m talking about. It’s that thing your face is doing when you catch a glimpse of yourself in the rearview mirror about 4:30 in the afternoon.
The face that’s pale and tired looking underneath that flat hair that wouldn’t hold it’s curl.
The Witching Hours
Next let’s take a look at this supermom’s witching hours. (That’s what I call those three hours surrounding dinner during which the kids are at their whiniest time of the day).
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First let’s start with the fight all the children are having with each other that has spilled over from the car ride home.
One is touching the other, one is making faces, and the other, according to her oldest, is breathing too loud.
Supermom is on her own again tonight because her husband has a last minute meeting and won’t be home until after ten….. again.
So guess what this supermom is cooking for dinner tonight?
You heard me right!
We are real supermoms and real moms DO NOT cook dinner every night! Not by a long shot!
For tonight this real mom is serving cold cereal and very, very soft bananas.
Incidentally, last night it was take out pizza and four nights ago it was leftover, and cold due to the broken microwave, tacos.
And of course the salsa ran out before the youngest got to have some so he cried for an hour and a half.
What a night that was! Supermom took three Excedrin before bed and woke up feeling hungover.
Which by the way she thinks stinks if there is no empty bottle of wine to account for it.
After the so called “dinner,” the kids pick up where they left off with their arguing. This time the youngest goes down and it’s nothing but tears and snot for forty five minutes.
Well, there goes the opportunity for having the kids take baths tonight.
Oh well, she thinks, so I have the smelly kids in class tomorrow at school. It wouldn’t be the first time.
Countdown to Dreamland
As supermom is finally putting the kids to bed, the oldest reveals that he forgot to do his homework and the middle child left hers at school.
However it’s all okay because this supermom is ten minutes out from wine time!
So she shoves the last few rugrats into bed and goes back to clean the kitchen.
But as she walks by the laundry room, she realizes she loaded the washer but forgot to turn it on.
Furthermore she goes to put the soap in and start the machine only to realize that she is out of laundry soap.
Well, there goes the laundry…..again!
Next it’s onto the kitchen and the dishes.
She takes one look at the sink full of dishes and turns to the frig to pull out a perfectly chilled bottle of Pinot Grigio.
She goes to grab a wine glass, but they are all in the still-not-yet-cleaned-after-two-days dishwasher, so instead she grabs one of the kid’s plastic cups.
But the plastic cup is okay because all the kids are asleep!
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As she leans against the counter chugging her wine she sees headlights in the driveway. “Oh yay, hubby is home early!”
He walks in the door, takes one look at her and says, “bad day?” She nods and smiles and hopes he gets the hint.
He gets it and the two head to the bedroom.
After not even two minutes the door swings open and the supermom’s youngest is standing there. She instantly know what this means.
“Did you wet the bed?” she asks him. Her child wipes his tears and nods his head.
So then she gets up, because she knows her hubby isn’t moving, and goes to her crying child.
She wipes his tears and holds him close telling him it’s okay, accidents happen. And she loves him very much…Because that’s what ALL moms do.
After changing her child, changing his sheets and putting her other child back to bed after she got up to see what’s going on (she’s the child with the major nose trouble and has to be in on everything!) she heads back to the bedroom.
But where did hubby go?
Maybe he’s in the kitchen. So she goes out to the kitchen to find her hubby standing in front of the refrigerator with the door open.
He sees her and shuts the door. Then he walks over to give her.
She thinks she’s getting a hug, but instead he says with a smile, “I’m starving. What did you cook for dinner tonight?”
Mac n Cheese Please
And suddenly there is a little voice behind her saying, “mommy I can’t fall asleep. My belly is hungry. Can you cook me some mac n cheese?”
“Ooh mac n cheese sounds good!” says her husband.
Rather than trying to fight it, supermom walks over to the cabinet and pulls out the pasta.
That’s when she notices the wine she left on the counter.
Finally, she smiles because she knows that tonight she will be taking Excedrin again, but this time when she feels hungover the next morning it will be worth it!
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